maaf

maaf
mudahnya diungkap
tak semudah itu dikurnia

dan mungkin apa yang berlaku dulu
mungkin kerana mentahnya usia
mungkin kerana terikutkan hati
yang mudah terusik
yang mudah terluka
yang mudah menghukum

maaf,
jika kau rasa itu salahku
atau dia
atau mereka
maaf jika kau rasa malam itu
seolah dituju untukmu
seolah berdas-das peluru ditembak ke dadamu
maafkan aku

niatku satu cuma
cuma ingin memperkata
apa yang tersimpan kemas di lubuk jiwa
ingin menegur silap yang nampak di mata

maafkan.

missing

sometimes you just can't help but miss the times when the broken pieces seem to fall back perfectly in place.

the times when you could still smile and laugh in the midst of struggles and fears

the people who could always cheer you up

who would always be there to listen even at 12 am

the people who actually care

the people whom you love without needing reasons why

16 will always be my lucky number.

K1 1415,

always.

happy birthday

last night I saw you
somewhere in the crowd
you and your guitar
you wearing a black shirt
a gold necktie
your hair styled well

i didn't look much
but you sure looked impressive

I wish last night could've been better
Perhaps I should've taken a photo with you

But I heard that you've moved on
I heard you've met another
I heard you really liked her

I can't describe
How much I wish I was her
I can't comprehend
The feelings that still linger

You're turning 17 today
And if it's true that you're with her
I'm glad you're happy
I'm glad you're loved
On your seventeenth birthday.

Happy birthday, from someone who still hasn't moved on.

Cheers. X.

--

dan
masihkah seperti dahulu
engkau dan aku
tak ada yang kan merubahnya

dan
masihkah kau mencari mimpi
mimpi kau dan aku
tak ada yang kan merubahnya



kerna hingga saat ini
bila kau kembali nanti
aku tetap di sini
menantikanmu.

masa pun berlalu,
buat aku tertanya....................................

to; you

And to you I say
I swear till this very day
Your breathtaking smile
And your ever so beautiful eye
Still haunt me
And make me smile
And cry

You don't have a clue
Of how much I've missed you
You couldn't possibly know
How I love you more than I could show

You were so close to being perfect
So creative, so talented
So young, so bright
So fun, full of light

I miss those days when I could still see you everyday
Steal glances at you, watching you laugh and smile
Watching you from a distance as you play
Laughing mirthlessly and shouting at your mates
You are cool, I admit
Young and lively, full of energy
Handsome and charming
Undeniably heart-capturing

You would probably never know
But it's OK, I'd be fine just keeping my feelings low

Permata.

I know nobody might read this, but it's okay; it's comforting enough for me to at least pour out my feelings here.

I was a part of the PERMATApintar community until last year. Until the day I decided to leave.
I am sorry, really sorry for leaving. But then, my departure certainly does not mean that Permata is not good for me. I have my own reasons for leaving.

To everyone I have met and known during my days at Permata, thank you for everything. For the precious, everlasting memories. For the laughter we shared, and the smiles we exchanged. For the photos we took together. For the ups and downs throughout 2014.

Permata changed me a lot. For the better, I hope. But alas I had to leave, I had to pick out my priorities. I love Permata and everyone there so much, almost as much as I love myself. All of you makes up a big part of me. I am who I am right now because of you guys. I know better now, because of you guys.

Everyday I wake up wishing I was still there, a member of the community. Praying together, listening to talks together. Going for breakfast with my closest group of friends, walking to class with my classmates. Learning interactively. Creating memories which I could still remember clearly till this very day. Completing assignments, working on videos and presentations together. I really miss those days.

K1, you guys have no idea how much I wish I am still the sixteenth member of 5K1. I miss each and every single one of you, from Adilah to Syazana. I miss those days when we would laugh at Hakiim's jokes, when we would make fun of each other, when we would randomly play "silent killer", when we would stay up all night finishing our assignments. When we would take lots and lots of selfies. Thank you so much for those memories. Thank you for teaching me a lot of things about life. Thank you for making me feel accepted, and welcomed. Thank you for everything.

Erudites, thank you for accepting me as a part of you guys. I'm sorry I left without saying anything, but please always know that I will always be a part of Erudite, and all of you Erudites will always have a special place in my heart. You guys taught me the meaning of being independent and selfless, how to care for your friends though you might have to sacrifice yourself in order to do so. You guys make me realise that true friendship isn't built on mutual interests or compatibility; instead it is built of acceptance. Thank you so much, Erudites.

Prodigies, you guys were such wonderful seniors to us, and Xanthrons as well. Congratulations on your superb results; you guys totally deserved it. You guys inspire me every single day, even until now. The friendship or more like brother/sisterhood that you guys still maintain till this day make me wonder if I would ever have such relationship with anyone. Thank you for the sacrifices, Prodigies. And thanks also, for the advices. All the best for your coming days, may Prodigies all shine as bright as the stars. And I will always be the little girl who admire your sparkles, the mark you have left upon us. Thank you for everything.

Xanthrons, you guys have plenty of time left in Permata, I know. Be sure to treasure each and every single second of it. Make use of the time you have left. Be strong. Stay strong. Please be better than any of us has ever been, because by the time you guys will be "ruling" Permata, you have experienced being "ruled" by four batches of students' council, and you will have learnt a lot of lessons. Take care. Best of luck to you guys.

I will always be a part of Permata. Always, till the very end.

- An ex-student of PERMATApintar Gifted Centre 2014

Lonely

They say
You never realize what you had
Until it's gone

They say
You may be sad
But you'll never be alone

But in times like this
I crave for friends
Those who actually listen
Those who actually
                                                 
                                           C A R E.


I miss the other fifteen halves of me
Who used to make every day of my life
Brighter, and happier.